TWENTY TWO years ago Greenmeadow won the JSSL chamionship meet. I helped them win. I won the high point trophy for 6 and unders. It took until this past weekend for Greenmeadow to win the JSSL championship again. They are going to put my picture from back then, with my wonderful trophy back up on the record board, in honor of our team. I find a strange karma that at this time 22 years ago I was beyond fit and living as a healthy little kid. I was stronger than other kids my age. I was a "miracle child". How I came from a devastating hospitalization and diagnosis to a record setting swimmer. They even wrote an article in the paper about me, if i remember correctly.
Now, 22 years later, the entire lifespan of my sister, we are waiting for me to do it again. It is time to be the"miracle child" once again. I must defy the odds of this disease. I must conquer it, i must beat it, i must win this championship again. However, it is different this time around. I am not in control, I can't use my skills and my athletic ability is pretty much gone at this point. My mind is what I must keep strong. My will power and my ability to persevere must be strong. My ability to "let go" must be strong.
I must admit, it was easy to win the high point trophy. I didn't have to try very hard. I just did what i did, and i did it well. I don't mean to brag, but even back then, i just did my best. My best at that point was award winning.
This time around, working to stay strong to get a transplant, that is hard. 5 hours of treatments, controlled life, structured eating, low energy, supplemental oxygen. That is what is tough. I must persevere through it, and hopefully will come out on the other side.
It isn't a guarantee. Swimming for me was a guarantee. I went to practice and i won races, it was pretty simple. This is hard. I have no control. I just have to have faith... faith that I can pull out another miracle. Trust that the universe will align and i will be able to have working lungs again. Have faith that my new lungs will give me the strength to get back in that pool and start winning races again. I promised Ana that i would swim with her at the Transplant Olympics when i get my new lungs...so i must keep my promise, and i must live the miracle once again.
Addition...
After reading my mom's blog entry, which was almost the exact same entry, I am encouraged by the memory of my Dad's cheers. I have watched the home movie he made many times....
"Go ANNA GO! GO Anna GO! Go Anna Go Anna Go Anna GO ANNA! YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!"
Love you Dad! I will keep going as long as you keep cheering me on!
2 comments:
i used to be in gymnastics, and win first place over and over again beating "healthy kids" i was so healthy too. isn't it a mind trip to go from that to suer sick? mostly it bothered me as i was older that people viewed me as the "sick girl" the people who didn't know me when i was young. hang in there! you'll be swimming again!
My mom was so excited to tell me about GM winning that meet - I forgot that the last time was the year you were such a big part of it! Can't wait for you to be swimming again real soon :)
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