Today is another PFT, another Blood gas, another 6 minute walk test. I thought that I was going to get away with not having to do these this week. My dry-run tricked me into thinking i was done with all this monotonous waiting and testing.
Thanksgiving is coming up. The stress of planning it and thinking "if" we will even be having a "normal" thanksgiving is kind of getting to me. The unknown is getting to me. Trying to settle back into a life that is sorta uncomfortable is not fun. Trying to not get too psyched that the call will come "really soon" is hard. Trying to let go again is hard. Trying to keep up the diligence is hard. Making sure my O2 tanks are filled and it is ordered so that i can *maybe go to my parent's house for thanksgiving is hard. I wish someone would take it away. I wish i had the answer. I wish we didn't have to plan just to maybe un-plan. I thought i would be having a second wind to get through this waiting after the dry run, but because we are getting into the holiday season it is getting stressful. The holidays to me are not my favorite time. Sorry, but it is true. I spend so much time with my family, and now that on top of everything else is just hard. I love my family all the time, i don't need a special occasion to love them. My mom just said it best. (She doesn't know i am writing this as she said it) "I need a vacation" AGREED! I say lets take a vacation from the holidays this year....
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