Reflections on a year

It has been almost a year to the day, October 10th to be precise, that I was hospitalized with a horrible pneumonia, and put on supplemental oxygen 24 hours a day. Since then I have had to quit work, become "disabled" and begin to collect disability, and doing 3 treatments a day. I have been in the hospital 3 times since then, had 2 surgeries, lost my doctor, and gained a new doctor. It has been quite a turbulent year, to say the least. I am feeling a little PTSD-ish right now, hoping to all that is good in the world that I don't get sick this season. I do feel like i am in a much better place health-wise. My disease took a dive from the big October episode, but overall I feel like I am in a much better place now.
I have been hard on myself thinking I am doing nothing with my life... but I must take a step back and look what was happening leading up to my October fall... I had graduated from Grad school in june, finished up part time school and a part time internship, traveled to Chicago, helped to organize the CF retreat, got a new job, purchased a condo, moved in with my boyfriend (now husband), Began working, and then BOOM pneumonia. I think I deserve this year off, and the time to heal... but it makes me feel so worthless. I need to be giving to others, not only taking for myself. I am hoping that i can find something where i can challenge my mind. I definitely do not have the stamina i once did, but I feel like I do need to do something outside of myself. I need to use my brain. I want to think critically and analytically. I have my creative outlet of cooking, but I need something else. I am an academic, i like to learn and think and write. I am not a writer, but maybe I need to be writing something. As you may have noticed, I don't watch my spelling too well on my blog, so I am not really the best at this whole writing thing... but I do need to do something. something to expand my brain power. If anyone out there in blog land has any ideas of a small very small part time job, please let me know.
The good things about this year are that I have made a great commitment with the love of my life, and I am living close to my favorite little Emily, my sister has found the most amazing guy Lou, and I feel more supported by my family than ever, and the CF retreat this year was one of the best in my life. So all in all, things have been up and down. huh, just like life is supposed to be! I must say my wishes for this next year to come is for it to be less turbulent and a little more stable and dare I say even boring. Heres to another year.......