Life after they die

Well, my life feels very strange now a days. I only have one living grandparent, who we rarely see. So i am feeling like my family has shrunk tremendously. It is strange... there are less people in the world now who love me. What a weird concept. My grandmothers were so generous and always wanted to help me and always loved me, and they are not there anymore. I have found myself wanting to call Grammie many times, as I have been going through her stuff. I want to ask questions, where is this from? What do you think of this? Is there anything you want me to have? Where do you want this stuff donated? you know that restaurant that we went to, where was it again, or did it close? The amazing thing is that she left so much of her poetry and journals, which reveal a lot about her, that she never shared, but we always assumed. yesterday I found her writing about her mother, and it gave a description of her, so her grandchildren could know her. How special. she wrote poetry for different grandchildren and different children. Alot of it is sad, and revealed what great depression she suffered through, and never revealed. The others are beautiful and skillfully describe her observations and thoughts of flowers and the outdoors. It is funny because she wrote ALOT, and stuck it in everything. If you open a book, it is bound to have something fall out of it. In her calligraphy stuff, i found a load of writings. She also began to label things for specific people, mainly for my mom. It is like she is able to speak to us from beyond, but at the same time, it is so hard not to discuss this stuff with her. There is a connection with her that is deep and strong, which she didn't allow when she was alive. she hid all of this from us. She didn't want us to know, but she kept the writings so we would know one day. Without the difficulties of being a human, and all of the projections and denial, and fear that we have, we have been able to connect with her spirit. Especially for my mom, who is just soaking up all she can of her mother. I see her experiencing all that she wanted to for her entire life, and she finally can get to know her mom in the way she always wanted. It is a very healing experience for her, and I am so glad she recieved this gift.

My mom is going through the grief process hard right now, and it will continue for a while. I have been able to help my mom keep organized and deal with some of the details of all the stuff that needs to be done after you die. It makes me feel so good to help take care of her. She has done so much for me when I don't have the energy, and not i can finally give back to her.

i wanted to comment on what I said earlier, I do know what my grandmother wanted me to have, she gave it to be before she died. When casey and i had our committment ceremony, she gave me a necklace my grandfather gave her. She knitted me a blanket years back, that i keep on my couch. She bought me my car when i started grad school. she helped pay for my cleaning lady, so i didn't do too much and could take care of myself. She bought my fridge when we moved into our condo. She made my life so much better. She was always so proud that when i cook I wear an apron, because people don't do that anymore... I took her two aprons she had and I have been wearing them while i cook.... She wants me to remember her, and love her forever, that is what she would want.