It seems appropriate that today is Martin Luther King Day as I write this post because I feel like I have truly OVERCOME the hardest time in my life thus far. I feel that I have truly defied death. I refused to succomb to my CF, I wanted an out and I got it. I have proved many times in my life that if I want something, I get it. I don't know if it is the power of positive intention, drive, will power, miracles, or whatever... But I know that I have the power to create my reality, within the realms of human existence. I am not indicating that others who were not as fortunate or lucky as me to receive the gift of life, or who lost their battle too young to CF were not deserving or somehow didn't want it, I am simply just speaking of my own experience. I am one of the lucky ones at this point.
I am finally experiencing what it is like to breathe free for the first time in my life. Free of life sustaining medical devices. Each day is a new adventure with these lungs as i keep trying new things. I have been trying to sleep without my bipap, which i was given for sleep apnea. The Sleep specialists were convinced that my sleep apnea was not due to my advanced stage CF, but my mom was never so sure about that. It didn't make sense to us that I would suddenly develop this sleep problem when my breathing was difficult and oxygen levels were low due to the disease. As the water weight has come off my face and neck,we noticed I was no longer snoring... could it be that I can be free from another machine? It sure seems so. I have slept 3 nights without the machine, and no snoring, and I have had a good sleep (except for the prednisone induced wake ups -- which happened while using the bipap as well). Because of this new accomplishment I am officially, for the first time ever in my life since my CF diagnosis free of machines. I can't explain how victorious this feels. I have overcome the shackles that have held me back from living a "normal" life for so long. My day is finally here!
Tonight I will celebrate the birth of two of my best friends, and we are all victorious, we made it, and the three of us finally get to celebrate our lives "on the other side" all together!
2 comments:
I can't imagine the difference, Anna. I'm thrilled for you. You certainly didn't have an easy December and I'm so happy that January is so far trying to make up for that. You've deserved this for so long!
PS. I think your mom is right about the sleep apnea. So glad that's getting better too even though you might not have expected it!
Spread those wings and fly...soar...nothings holding you back now!!! We are so happy for you!!!! Love, The Guffys
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