Rebellion...

Today my new tattoo completed it's healing. It has officially become a PART OF ME. There is no seam, no more scab, no more pain.... just me. A colorful me. I have always been interested in tattoos, since i was young i liked body art. I don't know how old i was when i first dreamed of a tattoo, but i must have been quite young as i have a memory of wanting a purple butterfly on my knee...
Tattoos are for sailors and drunken old biker men... They are for the alternative life-style type, they are not for the preppy, chronically ill, goody-goody type.. or are they?

I say they are!

I was thinking about how now i have finished my tattoo career, not because of my own choosing, but once i receive new lungs, it is no longer wise to adorn my body with art from a needle (as the infection risk is just not worth taking). I have always been so fascinated by this practice. For me, it has been a way to put something that is apart of me on the inside on the outside, how to adorn my body with beauty and take control after my body has been ravaged and deformed due to my CF. My first piece of body art was when i was 7 years old, i got my ears pierced for the first time. I remember my third piercing was in my cartilage, and i was only 13, which got a lot of respect from my peers. It was my first piercing done with a needle and not a gun. I was so proud of my piercing, but man, did that healing process hurt. I remember my mom turning and cleaning my earring for me and crying because it was so sore. I think we had to soak it and soak it, but i was never infected, just took a long time to heal. I remember for a long time after, if someone knocked into me it would be sore. But i never took it out. I still have it. It is a small badge of courage.

I currently have 9 piercings: 8 in my ears and 1 in my belly button.
I have 3 tattoos: 2 on my back and 1 on my ankle.

I was never a rebellious young person. I did what i was supposed to, i followed the rules, i did what was asked. I never rebelled against my treatments for CF, i just continued on....
I realized today that this may be my way of "rebelling" most who look and act like me don't have this many adornments of their bodies, it is thought of as "alternative" maybe this is my "alternative" to rebelling...

There is not an adornment on my body that i am not proud of. I thought i would take this installment of my variety show to explain the story behind my tattoos....

Tattoo #1
My zodiac sign of cancer. I have always identified with my summer birthday, the summer is the time when i feel most alive, healthy and vibrant. I feel that i personify the qualities that are described as "a cancer"
Emotional and loving
Intuitive and imaginative
Shrewd and cautious
Changeable and moody
Overemotional and touchy
Protective and sympathetic
Clinging and unable to let go
This describes me pretty well.

Tattoo #2
A purple rose. Cystic fibrosis has a nick name of "sixty five roses" The rose has come to be a symbol of CF. Therefore the explanation is pretty simple. My idea behind it is to put something beautiful on my body that spoke of CF instead of my chicken legs, pot belly, big chest, and clubbed fingers...

Tattoo #3
The Koi. This tattoo has been years in the making. Because of my "Obsession" with tattoos, i have always admired those with big pieces on their bodies, not just any tattoo, but a beautiful one. Obviously not all art is created equal and neither are all tattoos. I was on a search for the best artist i could find, no matter the financial cost (well, within SOME limits). My priority was a beautiful piece of art to symbolize my journey.
There are many japanese and chinese myths about the Koi, one of them describes the Koi as swimming up the waterfalls to reach the end, at a gate where the Koi is to transform into a powerful dragon. The Koi is also described as one who if caught will calmly lay waiting for the knife without a quiver, just like the samurai for the sword. When it is shown with flowing water, it is to symbolize courage, perseverance, and the ability to attain high goals.
I find strength in this meaning. I am coming upon the hardest fight in my life, that at the end of my CF lungs journey and the beginning of the new journey with transplanted lungs. I don't expect it to be easy and i hope to draw courage from the beautiful art that i display proudly on my back.
The other elements in my tattoo are the colorful vibrance of the fish, which symbolizes my personality. The Koi's strength and vibrance exemplifies the courage and strength it takes to mentally and physically "swim" through the journey of chronic illness. I find a lot of the beauty is the contrast of the delicate cherry blossoms which symbolizes the the delicate nature of my sick body. I find it beautiful and inspiring... I hope that you will now understand my reasoning for my "alternative" way of life.....