A Reflection upon turning 30

On Wednesday i hit a milestone that I dreamed of. I turned 30. I was never directly told that i was to only live to a specific age, but having CF and having friends with CF, I have always known that I would not become an old lady. To be honest, i always dreamed of 30, but i never was sure i would get here. If I had not received my beautiful set of lungs, this birthday may have been very different. I am trying to find the words i need to express my feelings, but instead i am sitting here with tears welling up in my eyes and goosebumps on my arms thinking about what was and what will be in my life.

This year will truly be a new beginning. I feel like my entire life is before me. I have so many directions I can choose to go in. I want to seize every moment and take advantage of every opportunity. My life is so very much the same as it always was, and so very different all at the same time.

When i look back on this past year the only way to describe much of my experiences was a year from hell. However, there were so many perfect moments within the struggles. For one, meeting the Dalai Lama, enough said. Everyone's support and caring meant the world to me. Casey's loyalty and dedication was unwavering. The time i got to spend with my family, their care and support, especially the times in the hospital with my Dad were worth every pain that i endured. The caring visits from my doctors, the whole transplant team, and their excitement for me when i got my Christmas miracle to go home. The caring calls and check ins from the doctors and medical staff who had seen me since i was a child, through my adolescence, and into the end of my life with CF. My most wonderful surgeon, whose kindness and smile lifted me each day he visited. The special nurses who helped me through. My fabulous dietician who is such a sweet friend and support. I can't ever forget the most amazing Respiratory therapist, who cheered me on like no one else :) I will never forget the most wonderful doctor who called me a peach. There was so much love given to me during my greatest struggle. What is so bizzarre, is that these things are what i remember most about the entire experience. I remember the love and compassion and strength that everyone gave to me. I remember my banana bunch poster with all the kind faces, and everyone who came to visit with their shirts. My CF friends who have helped me through my entire journey with CF, and all my transplant friends, who just by walking in the door gave me hope that my life would turn out alright. My healthy friends who had to endure seeing me in such a state, but did so anyways because they love me. It truly is love that lifts us up.

All of this has inspired me to want to give and give to others. I want to help them, and give them hope that they too can get through rough times. This core belief in me is why i studied psychology. It is why i pursued my graduate degree... But it really isn't education that allows us to provide hope, give love, and help others to be strong. That simply comes from the heart. Through my education I learned a lot about the human existence, and the way the mind works, and how messed up we as humans can get... but there is something innate in me that my education didn't teach me. The biggest life lesson is that to give love is to receive love. I want to share all that was given to me.

In the next decade of my life, my purpose is to love. To love myself, to love my partner, to love my family,to love my pets, to love my donor, to love my friends, to love my caretakers, to love my community, to love strangers, to love life. I hope that by doing this i will enable others to reach their potential. The most powerful medicine is love.

I couldn't be happier at 30, i feel like i have the world at my fingertips. I just hope the world is ready for me!