The Next Chapter

This morning i woke up to an empty house. Casey went off snowboarding, and my mom is happily back in Livermore. I woke up with two kitties, one at my feet and the other trying to make an appeal for snuggling my face. I am now sitting on the couch, relaxing, drinking my coffee, and watching "million dollar listings" on Bravo, which is one of my guilty pleasures. I love real estate tv. There are no sounds of nebulizers, coughing, or pounding on my back... just the sound of sipping coffee and real-estate agents. It is the next chapter.

I don't have plans for the day. I am simply alone. I haven't spent much time alone in a long while. I was tempted to try to find someone to hang out with, but i think today i am going to spend with myself. I need to get to know me again. I need to learn who i am without CF lungs. I am a different person in many ways. I mean, geez I drink coffee for crying out loud ;)

My crazy neighbor moved out about 2 weeks ago, and left a mess in his wake (as usual). The new owners have not been here since, but today i hear noises upstairs, i think i saw a cleaning crew go up there. Now, this condo needs more than just a cleaning crew, they really need a wrecking crew. So i am expecting to hear construction in the near future...

It is funny that now that things are on the up and up I really don't have much to report. My last doctor's visit was great. They graduated me to coming once a month. My PFTs were up to 78% FEV1. That was even after having a small sinus cold. Things are just simply good. The only thing now is that i am still waiting for my scar to finish it's final healing. I have a divot in my chest that i am waiting to fill in. The prednisone makes it difficult to heal, so i am just waiting for that. I still have to deal with blood levels, and small changes in medication doses, but overall I am just fine. One day after I finish coumidin I will be getting a bronchoscopy, which I still have never had. However, they tell me that because I have no symptoms of rejection or infection they are not concerned about skipping the bronch.
The other thing I still have to do is have my last Cytogam infusion, which is the drug to help me avoid a CMV infection. I think total it will be 7 of these infusions. Once those are finished I will also be receiving an infusion for my bones every 3 months. I am a little nervous about this because previously when i tried fosamax or actonell, it made me really sick. They have told me that people don't experience the same symptoms with the infusion, so i am hopeful that i can just breeze through this.

I notice in myself that I am having a hard time deciding what i want to do with myself. I have lots of ideas. I want to help people, I want to make money, i want to live an exciting life. I have toyed with the ideas of working with girls with eating disorders, getting into real-estate, starting my program of making food for transplant families, or simply just being a homemaker. I am not sure what I should pursue. I figure I have time to figure this out, but i want to start moving in a direction. I don't like being stagnant. I need goals and a reason to go forward. I am a very motivated person, and I like to achieve... I want to find something worthwhile and fun to puruse in my life. I know things will come to fruition and it is hard to wait for my life to take off.

I have mentioned that this chapter in my life is about "playing hard". I realize because it has been so long since i have felt well that i don't even know how to initiate adventures. I dont know how to plan ahead, because i have always lived a life that was so unpredictable i couldn't plan. I have a mental block. I need to get out there and get adventurous. I can't wait for spring to begin, it will help me get inspiried. I am hoping to spend time out on the lake this year and would REALLY love to ride on a jet ski. I just need to live it up!

I hope you have enjoyed my ramblings of the next chapter. Basically i don't know where my life is going and how i will get there... but i do know that i am excited everyday to experience life with my new lungs. I hope that i can allow my donor to live on in me, and let her experience the world through me.

The Best part of having a transplant is getting to hug two of my bestest friends for the first time in 20 years!